vol2 - Page 87

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 fu!o in what I now realize was a foolish attempt to prove to
 others what I already knew to be true I decided to stop smoking
 marijuana for six months.
 49. Shortly after I stopped smoking marijuana, I
 experienced a prolonged attacks Whatever progress I had made
 vanished and I was back at square one. My back muscles began
 ..... to spasm and I lost control over them° I could not even sit
 ups much less walk. After four months of not smoking marijuana
 ! had lost control of my hands, arms, feet, and legs. I was
 constantly suffering spasms. My use of Valium increased
 constantly until i was taking 120 mg daily, a massive dose.
 Despite this high dose, Valium provided me with no real relief
 from my symptoms°
 50. I began to realize that 7[ was chemically depen-
 dent on Valium. I had become an addict_ This realization
 startled me and I stopped taking Valium0 I experienced ter-
 rible withdrawal from this _safe _, "medically accepted" drug.
 I completely lost all interest in life and in living° I was
 sleepless, restless_ and constantly agitated. I fell into a
 dark depression; my mood shifts became even more erratic and
 pronounced. I was enraged by the simplest thing. My spasms
 became intensely painful.
 51. When ! could no longer sit up I started smoking
 marijuanas not because I believed it could help but because I
 wanted to get high° I wanted to get beyond myself° I was
 becoming desperate°

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